Today’s Edition of “Should’ve Bought a Fleshlight”

Ever get the urge to bust out some yoga in a public park, maybe throw some road kill and masturbate?

Yeah, well don’t.

Grab yourself a Fleshlight and lock the door. It’s safer.

An elderly yoga enthusiast is facing a federal obscenity charge after he was spotted masturbating on National Park Service property, after which he picked up a dead animal and threw it at a passing car, according to court records.

Bill Kachle, 68, was arrested last month after Jared Tyng, a United States Park Police officer, responded to a complaint about a “disorderly male subject” along the Mount Vernon Trail in northern Virginia.

Two female witnesses pointed Tyng in the direction of Kachle, a Washington, D.C. resident who was “holding a yoga pose” nearby. The women said that they were walking along a bike trail when Kachle–who was waving his arms and “shouting odd statements”–dropped his pants and began masturbating.

“Thereafter, the subject then picked up a dead animal, ran into the northbound lanes of travel on the George Washington Memorial Parkway and threw the dead animal at a passing car,” according to a U.S. District Court complaint. After flinging the animal, Kachle “returned to the trail, pointed at both women and masturbated again,” Tyng added.

Kachle was arrested March 27 on the misdemeanor “disorderly conduct/obscene acts” count.

The Smoking Gun

Yep. Should’ve bought a Fleshlight Bill… and maybe take it easy on the bath salts.

 

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